But, I still struggled with the day-to-day. Why did motherhood feel so hard to me? I thought I’d be a “natural” – a fun, creative, patient, caring, joyful, laughing mom. I didn’t realize how triggered I’d be by the smallest calamities: crying, whining, little hands pulling my hair or yanking off my glasses, food on the floor, an endlessly messy house. Maybe I just needed better systems. More structure?